Bad Habits

For so long I’ve been trained to think about the end. 20 years working in advertising does that to you. Every move calculated, every mark in service of a final thing. But recently I was given some very sound advice from a mentor to stop thinking about outcomes. To stop needing everything to add up.

So I’ve been trying. Each time I imagine a finished work, I catch myself. I stop. I let my hands keep moving without knowing where they’re going. I go from one step to the next. Picking up bits, making components that might become something or might not. Building everything in parts. Moving pieces around. Putting things in places I didn’t expect. Stopping when I didn’t plan to stop.

It feels strange. It feels right. It’s taking me somewhere new. Keeping me from making what I’ve already seen. Which is hard for anyone to do when flooded with images that aren’t our own. The work is already inside me. I’m just letting it out, bit by bit.

I see now that my process wasn’t right. I was fabricating. Not expressing. This way – this letting go – it’s leading me somewhere better.